In The Beginning...

We were in a bathroom in Omaha, Nebraska when we found out. To be more specific we were in the disabled stall of the women's bathroom on the balcony level of the Omaha Civic Hall.

Of course it started before that. It was the third cycle since I came off the pill, and the first month I’d really ‘charted’ (taking temperature on waking to try and figure out when ovulation happens), so I knew that I was possibly a few days late.

I say possibly because when one is trying to conceive there’s the realisation that the very early signs of pregnancy are actually exactly the same as those of PMS: Cramping, sore boobs, nausea, tiredness, tearfulness etc etc. The month previous I’d been semi-convinced that I’d fallen pregnant in record time, only to be disappointed by the familiar dark patch writ large in my underwear. It might have well formed letters; “Not This Time”.

4 weeks later the symptoms are all back, and I’m convincing myself that I’m not pregnant, if only to dampen the heartache of the period I’m so sure is coming.

The day before testing, Saturday, I sent a picture of my temp chart to my charting-friend and touchstone. “Get to Walgreens NOW” was her reply. I told her I’d wait till we got home on Monday. “You have patience that is beyond me.”

The following morning I was walking into the Civic Hall and realised that my boobs felt… different. Sure, they were tender and achy, but there was something different about them. Without touching them they felt harder, like bullets sticking out from my chest. I mentioned this to my beloved, who was off to Walgreens before I could say “maybe we should think about…”

And so it came to pass. He and I in a large stall in a quiet public restroom. I peed on the stick then made him hold it behind his back while I zipped up. I at least wanted to be out of the stall when we looked.

Standing in front of the sinks I admitted that I wasn’t sure which result I wanted. I was suddenly terrified. There would be no going back. Were we ready? He held me, and we prayed. Your will be done.

And there it was. The Word, confirming your existence.

And the word was good.